Glamour Magazine’s sales must be down. Or maybe the media has once and for all claimed 2015 The Year of Caitlyn. Either way, sexism is reigning supreme on the 22nd floor of 4 Times Square.
I think cultural norms are problematic: they have conned us into believing that a little girl who wants to wear bow ties and play with trucks must be a boy, and that a boy who likes the color pink and Barbie dolls must be a girl. Trans-people often further validate the very stereotypes they want to reject because the reasons many of them cite for knowing why they are the opposite gender is out of affinities for culturally normative behavior.
Glamour wants us to buy their magazine and read their articles and believe that a highly accomplished man who’s fathered several children is now a Woman of the Year because he had surgery, wears dresses now, and likes to swap makeup tips with his daughters. What a slap in the face, to demean what it means to be a woman to her body parts and fashion sense. Despite how it may sound, I empathize with trans people who connect deeply with the opposite gender and only feel comfortable when living as that person. I think Bruce’s feelings behind becoming Caitlyn were real, but most importantly I believe they were psychological. You can let Bruce live as a woman, call “him” Caitlyn, replace “him” with “her” in articles, that’s fine. But do not tell me that I should look up to someone with a man-made simulated female body, girl clothes, and make-up as my example for being a woman. Because that is all trans woman Caitlyn has done. Ex-Bruce knows nothing about the glories and struggles that a woman faces:
- had to prove yourself to a man
- questioned whether you were right for an industry because you are female
- had someone tell you you were being too emotional
- had to tackle whether or not you can–or want–to bear children
- had to explain that being assertive makes you capable and not a man
- been expected to balance nurturing your family and work
- had to fight for maternity leave and the right to breastfeed in public
- had to naturally juggle being sensitive and wise
- had to fight sexism and catcalling on the street
- had to fight for equal pay
- been silenced because you are a woman
- been stoned and beaten because you weren’t a virgin
- been expected to take care of domestic needs and know how to do so
- had to explain that yes, I do know how to grill/change a tire/*insert manly activity here*
- had someone tell you you do something well “for a girl”
- become an emotional angry mess during your period
- wanted your children to know their father, to have a father
- wondered if you could be a successful and supporting wife
- fought for respect in your profession
- been ridiculed for behavior men are praised for
- been accused of lying about a physical attack or assault
- used a male pen name to be accepted by society
- been asked to use sex appeal to get ahead
- had to face the decision of keeping a child, or potentially losing your life if you deliver one
- had a man expect to control your decisions and right
- among a million other things
When you have naturally checked off some of these things, THEN you can talk to us about being a woman.
Let’s not get confused, DNA and physicality may be the start of what makes us male and female, but it’s not close to the end. Caitlyn’s fake boobs, fancy dresses, and perfected eyeliner do not fool me. Giving nationwide talks about courage while wearing stilettos and expensive blouses do not make Caitlyn a woman. And it should insult every real woman out there, that Glamour would even think to give such an honor to a man who feels better about himself now that he wears women’s clothing and goes by a feminine name. I love a good suit, but it’s foolish to think wearing one and having a surgeon change my genitals should land me on the cover of GQ. But isn’t that just one of the many challenges we face as women? Let a powerful man cut up some body parts, play dress up, change names and dictate to us what being a woman really means and we’re all supposed to accept it. I guess sexist bullying never stops.
One of my main problems is that she is still technically a he downstairs. He hasn’t even gone through the full change, and could easily revert back to being a man at this point if it doesn’t work out for him, but you’re also right that he hasn’t had to go through life and the struggles that is what most women have to overcome. I’ve seen several other people note so many women who have done so much and would be great candidates for this award, and yet they’re giving it to a man who is supposed so brave for donning a dress and growing his hair out.
I also agree that I hate how they’re changing children’s genders now just because they have tendencies that we prefer to categorize as either only correct for a boy or girl to do. When I was little I used to say I wanted to be a boy, mainly cause I thought it’d be cool to pee standing up, but I also use to tell my parents I wish they had named me Dwain (My dad’s middle name which I loved). I cut my hair short, wore a lot of boys clothes, and was and still am best friends with my dad and hung out with him all the time as we worked on the house or the car or whatever. But the fact is I’m a girl, that was a just a phase for the most part. I’m definitely glad they didn’t name me Dwain and I am glad I’m a girl. Though, I still cut my hair short and did join the military where I was a mechanic, but that doesn’t make me a boy. And that’s why it bothers me so much that parents are suddenly doing these things and giving their kids hormones to help them change their gender when they’re so young because they’re not mature enough or have had enough life experiences to fully know what they want in life or what those choices really will mean for them in the long run. I appreciate that my parents accepted me for who I was. They let me dress the way I wanted, and supported me any all activities I was interested in, but they never once said “oh she must be a boy we’re going to start telling everyone she is and maybe give her some testosterone so that she can more easily turn into a he.” That would’ve been very bad for me in the end.
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Thank you so much for sharing this with everyone. I could not agree with you more in respect to parents encouraging their young children to change genders: they are much too young to understand gender and the complexities involved. This is the perfect time to give them confidence and validity in who they are and what they like, not to contribute to their confusion and mental disorder. Your parents did a wonderful job, I have a very similar testimony to being close to my dad and doing everything he did, including taking my shirt off when it got hot and playing with worms, but this never led to me being a boy. Gender identity disorder is real, and should be addressed by mental health professionals. Thanks again for your insightful, compassionate comment!
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